It is very important to take stock of the year just passed. And so I do. I have come up with a list of ELEVEN things I have done this year. Not ten, ELEVEN.

1. Met some people off Twitter.

2. Ate a square burger in a pub under a motorway flyover near Castle Bromwich.

3. Had a shower in London.

4. Sat on the front seat of the top deck of the bus two days running (driver’s side).

5. Staked out my own house to ascertain who was delivering unwanted food (e.g. doughnuts, apples, pumpkins).

6. Took a desktop computer to Birmingham and back on the train.

7. Had my sitcom optioned by Retort.

8. Had a big row on Twitter.

9. Fell off my chair in Nando’s.

10. Pretended I was a plain-clothes police officer in order to get a bus driver to open his doors.

11. Got a joke in GQ by accident and bought a copy.

There were many, many more such achievements, but modesty forbids.