MY new book, A Snid Of Milk, has been out for a week now. So far sales are in line with my expectations, which were very low, but that is perfectly all right, I was hoping for it to be a slow-burner, taking many, many years for everybody in the world to buy it, and so far I am on track for that happening. Eight billion sales don’t just happen overnight.

Above is a picture of somebody holding the book, along with the previous volume, The Man With The Complicated Voucher. It is @NickFitz from Twitter. What I like about @NickFitz is that he has bought my book. If you buy my book I will like you. It’s as simple as that.

Imagine that level of commitment. If eight billion people buy my book, I will have actively to like everybody in the world. Nobody has ever done that. Even now, out of the very small subset of people in the world that I know, there are several I do not like, So that’s potentially hundreds of millions of people out there I would not like.  And yet… I will have to like them if they buy my book.

I have not thought this through.

You probably need to know about things that are in the book. Well, several things happen. I go to a JLS concert, I discover that people think the shape of food affects its taste, I buy “The Sex Issue” of GQ in Tesco, I get lost with a taxi driver in Birmingham, I stand in a very small shower, I meet David Sedaris, I have to look as if I don’t need the toilet on a train, and I sit in my car staking out my own house to find out who impaled this doughnut on my front doorknob.

Other things happen too. There are more than 250 pages. I can’t be expected to remember everything.

Anyway, if you want to see a man with glasses like everybody in the world, including you, buy it HERE, if you like paperback books. Or HERE if you like books on Kindles. Or HERE if you like books on Kindles and you do not live in the United Kingdom or related dependencies.