One day I was bored and compiled some of my columns into a book. This is what it looks like.

Imagine that! An actual book filled with columns already available online, most of which are on this very website. Who would pay for that?

What I have found is that some people will pay for anything, even this pile of reconstituted drivel. You’re probably wondering why. A good way to find out is to buy the book.

It is available in two forms.

If you want to buy an actual printed book, as they had in the olden days, you can go here…

The actual printed book, as they had in the olden days

It will cost you £5.95, plus postage and packing.

If you want to buy a Kindle version, as they have nowadays, and in the future, you can go here…

The Kindle version, as they have nowadays, and in the future

It will cost you £2.96, with no postage and packing, because that’s how the internet works.

Here are some things people have said about the book…

‘Recommended: Gary Bainbridge’s collection of funny,beautifully written essays on the tiny annoyances of modern life.’
ANDY STANTON – award-winning author of the Mr Gum children’s books.

‘No one captures the miniature banalities of life quite like Gary. His consistently funny columns will force you to rethink your entire approach to umbrella covers, bus stops, and crisps we have known.’
DAVE COHEN – comedian and writer of TV’s Horrible Histories.

‘Wry, funny stuff from the Woody Allen of the Liverpool Daily Post.’
ANDREA GILLIES – Orwell Prize-winning author of Keeper

‘A civilised society would place Gary Bainbridge in the House of Lords, or have him put to sleep. But he is from Liverpool.’
DAMON GREEN – ITN Correspondent

That is all I have to say on the subject. If you have any questions, I can answer them over on Twitter, where I am @Gary_Bainbridge. I do not have the underscore in real life.

…STOP PRESS…

I say “Stop press.” Of course this is the internet, where presses, deadlines, etc are obsolete.

Here are some other reviews by real people instead of the glittering specimens above. Real people with faces and bottoms and ears and favourite biscuits.

‘I have read it. Once I made a sniggering sound while reading it on a train & a stranger peered awkwardly to check the cover.’
LAUREN GEISLER (@LollyGee)

‘Not as good as Springsteen but quite good. Less swooning at singing & tight denim, more chuckling at hapless predicaments.’
KITTY DURAN (@TheCatsDaughter)

‘This isn’t the sort of thing I like.’
KERI WILLIAMS (a man) (@kerihw)

‘I have read it. It’s very funny and I recommend it as a lovely “dipping in” book.’
CHARLIE (a woman)  (@c_littlebug)

‘It’s a thumbs up from me.’
LORNA WILDE (pictured) (@HEW02)

‘I have read Gary Bainbridge’s book. It is good. My husband said he liked it too. Parts of it are quite funny.’
JENETTE PASSMORE (@Cornettofairy)

‘I haven’t read it yet since I’m keeping it to read on an Easyjet flight next week. I’m sure it’ll be good though.’
SCHLIMBESSERUNG (@Man_in_Black)

‘Down with this sort of thing.’
PANNY (@Pannypannypan)

‘I read Gary Bainbridge’s book and thoroughly enjoyed the sense of human superiority it provided me.’
“JIM” (@JimtheSG)

‘I read this naked in my garden which enhanced my reading pleasure.’*
EASILY TEMPTED (@EasilyTempted)

‘I read three pages of Gary Bainbridge’s book and I laughed so much I couldn’t read any more.’
ELLIOTT CLARKSON (@ElliottClarkson)

‘Gary’s book is very funny but ordering it was a ballache. I recommend borrowing a friend’s copy and posting GB a tenner.’
GARETH STRANKS (@strnks)

* NOTE: One’s state of dress has no measurable effect on the reading experience, although a backwards balaclava might be helpful.