I had forgotten just how much fun Omegle could be. I am “You” and the stranger is “Stranger.”

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label ‘Stranger:’. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.

You: so is dis twitter?

Stranger: no

Stranger: twitter is stupid

You: so what is dis? is it like Bigchat?

Stranger: Omegle

Stranger: its a chat site

You: have I gone in the wrong room? This is just like when I did that thing that time

Stranger: thers no chat room

You: it is still the internets, yes?

Stranger: this is it

Stranger: yes correct

You: sometimes I imagine I am typing to people. But dis is real, yes?

Stranger: yees it is

You: that is what always is said.

You: say something I wouldnt expect you to say

Stranger: people r wierd on here

Stranger: ignore them

You: the voices?

Stranger: voces?

Stranger: are u okay?

You: yes. The people making the typing.

Stranger: what ppl what are they saying

You: Hey! You have been totally fooled. See that little red light over your left shoulder? You’re on MTV! Smile!

Stranger: lol im a psych major i was worried

You: Oh. I think I might be talking to the wrong person.

You: This is a catastrophe. This is live!

Stranger: y

You: They are never going to let me be on MTV now. My ride will never be pimped. And my crib will remain unblinged.

You: I will have to kiss goodbye to any thoughts of swigging a massive bottle of Cristal.

Stranger: im sorry lol

Stranger: i thought u were serious

You: It’s not your fault. You know if you see me on QVC, will you buy some worthless tat from me?

Stranger: lol huh

You: You know, some fake gold chains or something. A derby hat with sleeves.

You: Maybe a rock for your garden which sings Burt Bacharach songs.

Stranger: i dont boy random shit

Stranger: lol

You: Not even for me? But you have ruined my TV career. You could at least buy a full-size cardboard cutout of Jennifer Aniston from me.

You: I don’t know where you’d put it.

You: That is not my concern.

You: For example.

Stranger: well give me a hot boy one

You: Hey, can I do my stand-up routine for you?

Stranger: um

You: Basically it involves me straightening my legs.

Stranger: ok?

You: And rising from a sitting position.

You: Do you have a different stand-up routine?

Stranger: ur waiting 4 me to disconnect arent u

You: No. As you said, you are a psych major. I am starting to suspect that I have become one of your subjects.

You: You will probably write a report about me.

You: I hope you get an A, or whatever Americans get when they do well.

Stranger: thinkin about it lol

Stranger: you’d be perfect

You: Hey, you know that Sesame Street song about the alphabet?

Stranger: i do

You: It’s not so useful when you realise it can be sung using the lyrics KZVC/ PST/ AYHJNLMOG/ URX/ BQE/ WF/ I & D.

You: Try it.

Stranger: rather not

You: Go on. You can just do it in your head.

Stranger: no thanks

Your conversational partner has disconnected.